Writing Assignment #4: Leaving and Returning.. Reflection

You left Rome and returned. You left Florence and returned. Do you know the cities better now? Do you know them differently. Do you see the cities, and also perhaps yourself, differently through "new" eyes?

I arrived in Rome over a month ago now. Two times I have left this ancient city and explored other quaint little corners of Italy. We took a snappy, scenic 90 minute train ride to Florence a few weeks ago. It is obvious immediately after stepping out of the train station in Florence that it is something different, a stark contrast to Rome. Florence is vibrant and alive but also refined and sophisticated. Unlike those of Rome, the streets of Florence are void of cars for the most part which gives the city a more peaceful, quieter feel. Although only there for three days, I got a satisfying taste of the art, shopping, and food that Florence has to offer. As for the art, I was able to gaze for a good half an hour at Michelangelo’s David, walk twice through the Uffizi, tour the Palazza Vecchio, see the Medici Palace, climb to the top of the Duomo, lay eyes upon the Gates to Paradise, see the surprisingly unimpressive tomb of Michelangelo, etc, etc. As for the shopping, the details are unimportant. I’m taken care of in the leather department, to say the least. As for the food, having my dad there with me meant eating out at least once a day (on him, of course). That was a definite upgrade from my pathetic, meager meal routine here in Rome. My dad and I drove back to Rome together on Saturday, stopping in Assisi for the night on the way. Assisi was perhaps my favorite town in Italy so far. I found the history of St. Francis and St. Clare especially intriguing, and would have liked to spend a couple more days getting lost in the narrow, steep labyrinth of roads that make up the charming hill town.

At any rate, my dad and I returned to Rome Sunday morning shortly before noon. Coming back to Rome, with the mindset of returning “home”, was a little bit strange for me. I was caught off guard by how comforting and “home-like” it felt for me to drive down Emmanuele and into the Campo de’ Fiori. The Campo has become a home away from home for me. It took leaving and coming back for me to recognize my emotional attachment to this place. Not only did I feel internal changes, but also external ones. This time around I wasn’t arriving in a taxi, lugging suit cases and wearing the wrong clothes. I got out of a little red Fiat, carrying a beautiful Florentine leather purse, wearing equally beautiful Florentine leather boots… and a puffy winter coat. They love puffy winter coats here in Rome almost as much as they love leather boots. I may never blend in here, but I most certainly look less out of place than I did a month ago.

The feeling of returning home is a comforting one. I don’t consider Rome my home, nor will I ever, but I did get a taste of that feeling… the calm, deep breath that home invokes in a person... when I returned to my little room here in Interno 8. What a pleasant surprise— an unanticipated treat! I couldn’t help but notice the subtle changes that had taken place while I’d been absent. To my dismay, the saldi seem to have ended, the outer door to our apartment was locked for the first time, and the heat in our apartment had apparently been working (a wonderful change, but a change nonetheless).

Taking this further, I wonder how this idea of leaving and returning will apply when I go back home to Seattle in March. Of course I will see it differently, through a different lens, a fresh perspective, and with a new appreciation. Living in Italy has made me crave things American; Starbucks, Mexican food, Basketball, the Food Network, English, a more or less accepting heterogeneous culture, as well as things Seattle; lakes, mountains, flannel, plaid, the Burke Gilman, the Ave, Sushi, my time zone. More than anything else, I miss my friends and family- my community. Just as I noticed subtle changes in Rome when I returned, changes are taking place at home in Seattle every day that I’m gone. My friends are involved in things, forming and building on relationships, developing new habits and traditions… all without me. This is part of the deal, part of this experience. But I imagine that it will be hard to come home and deal with the consequences of being gone, being out of the loop, out of “the know”, an outsider for a time. I have to also consider the example of my own transformation the second time I arrived in Rome, wearing the right clothes, carrying the right bag… I’d changed. I will return to Seattle different than I left.

The changes that have taken place in my life since I've been in Rome are monumental and somewhat terrifying. I have had more time to think and reflect on who I am, what I want, and how I feel about really important, big things. The timing of this trip coincides with a lot of emotional struggles and questions back home for me. As I'm thinking about this, I wonder whether this is really a coincidence or if the act of leaving put things in a different perspective and pushed me to reevaluate my relationships and priorities. Regardless, I have changed in ways I didn't anticipate that have nothing to do with being in Rome but rather not being home. I am more independent here than I've ever been in my life, further from the comfort and guidance of my parents, and without the immediate support of my friends. This solitude has given me the freedom to think through things and make decisions based on my own judgment, without the confusion of other peoples' opinions and ideas. In some ways this is hard, but it is good for me and will give me a greater appreciation of those things when I go back in March. I am excited to see how my sense of self and confidence as an independent person has changed while I've been abroad. Similar to my experience here in Rome, I won't be able to see the changes that have taken place in me until I go back home and can put myself up against the back drop of my "old" life. I can feel myself growing... Rome has pushed me outside of my comfort zone, into a place of alert self-awareness, consciousness, and intentionality- I'm wide awake here.